i killed him

I don't remember exactly but it was sometime around the monsoon of 1999 or 2000. The area surrounding our house equals roughly two football fields and is a low lying area. The lack of municipal drainage in my locality makes it a basin for all the extra water during the rains. It gives our house the romantic island-in-the-river look, especially when the logged water has lilies and fishes and all kind of flora and fauna you always like to see.

And as I hav always believed, romanticism, like all other ambience never comes alone. So some adventure was added to my rainy romance of the season that day.

It was a snake. I don't know what variety and it doesn't matter too until he bites. He lay beside the small strip of connecting road left un-drowned. On one side it had my boundary wall protecting/blocking him. And there was the grass he thought was camouflaging him. But he was spotted before he could really know of it and a strategy for killing him was formulated before I could really know.

These young girls and the children were afraid of moving across that road because they had seen him. They had also earned success in gathering the elders from their own families and the neighbourhood. All reasonable and logical elders and the reasonable and logical youngers had decided that the only reasonable and logical course of action now was to kill him. The only catch was who in the world could be reasonable and logical enough to do this.

My mom was the second last to reach the spot, I was the last. Its tough to remember what prompted me to bring that lathi. Perhaps someone asked me to or it was my own enthusiasm of grabbing this chance of becoming a local hero. There was nothing on stakes because i was not at all scared. (As our class 9th bio book said most snakebite deaths can be attributed to heartattack than poison)

So i begin pounding the end of the lathi on his face. I keep doing it as a neighbouring auntyji is instructing me to. I concentrate because the way she instructs has an element of urgency. But I know how easy it was. He was already quite frightened. Only a few correct blows (five-six i think) end all the challenge he could put forward. I raise him with the same lathi and give him a flight so he lands direct in the water as far as possible.

And look at mom. How proud she is! Alright there are people of all ages and strengths and nobody but her son has taken the courage to do it. Alright. But boasting so directly? That comes out of over-excitement. Being over-excited for something like this? May be i'll understand this someday when i am myself a parent!

But i had another thing all over my head. So i leave her with her excitement and boasting and run to the puja-place. He was frightened and didn't fight back at all. Nor had he harmed anybody, not me at least. He could just as easily have been made to run away. He was killed because some reasonable and logical people thought it was never wise to leave a snake alive in the neighbourhood. He was killed because he could turn up anytime anywhere to bite and kill some human beings who obviously happen to be more innocent than snakes. He was killed because there exist men who like to kill to earn local-hero-reputation.

I went to the puja-place, join my hands in front of the idols and pray for forgiveness. These are the same idols and the same Gods who had suffered my constant criticism and denial. For years i had found self-respect in claiming myself an athiest and involving in reasonable and logical discussions over the issue. But at that moment i felt no insult in kneeling down.

I don't know where to end this. I am still an athiest. Still as likely to kill a snake however frightened and harmless. My neighbours are still reasonable and logical. My mom still gets excited over my small herogiris and continues boasting in front of the people in the other world. I know not what happened to the Gods .. the idols are still in the puja-place.